top 10 woman

I've been thinking a lot this week about womanhood, because my dear friend Amy asked me what I thought would be a "top ten list" of the perfect woman. Her husband was preparing a message for college students on a vision of womanhood that's different from the world's vision... and sometimes even the church's vision. He gave an excellent sermon on Biblical womanhood - one of the best I've ever heard! But for now, I'm just posting my top ten list of things I expect of myself. I won't say enjoy, because it will probably make you tired and overwhelmed. When/if that happens -- go to Jesus and rest in the promise that because of Him, we are completely accepted before the Father *just as we are!*

Without further ado... and English majors/grammar lovers, please overlook my lack of capitalization, punctuation, etc. I wrote this in 5 minutes a few days ago!!

A Perfect 10 Woman

10. Best neighbor ever. keeps the kids. brings over meals. helps with yardwork. gets the mail. spends time with the neighbors.
9. best employee ever. does everything. goes to the meetings. volunteers for extra work.
8. Best citizen. Votes. Cares about politics. Votes in more than the presidential election every 4 years. Can actually discuss politics, finance, economics, business with ease instead of hoping no one brings it up because the last news show you actually watched in length was the royal wedding, but you wouldn't dare tell a soul that, either.
7. best church member ever. does nursery, children's ministry, music ministry, hospitality ministry, set up, clean up, fellowship, invites people over, practices hospitality, prays regularly, visits the poor, visits the widows and orphans, supports the ministry financially and doesn't ask for ANYTHING or any help from anyone. (needy people are not good in our society remember?)
6. Best friend. Spends her time w/her best buds, investing in them, praying for them, eating out, going to events together, helping w/whatever she needs.
5. Best family member. Super daughter. always at every family function. never forgets a holiday or birthday card. never forgets a gift. always writes thank you notes for everything within a few days. calls her mother in law regularly and enjoys it.
4. best mom or best child-care-giver ever. would not dream of feeding a child under her watch anything other than fresh, organic, and wholesome food. does not let child watch TV. does not do anything that Michelle Duggar would not approve of. Would not listen to any music but Veggie tales or scripture lullabies with child. spends all available moments of the day cultivating the child's brain and development. does not ask for help. babysits for other peoples kids if she doesn't have kids and enjoys it. helps out in nursery because she loves kids that much. doesn't get upset when kid spills lasagna on her new J Crew khakis.
3. best housekeeper ever. house rivals Martha Stewart, the Novogratz's, and HGTV all rolled into one. She decorates like a queen on a peasant budget and has time to hunt for treasures at antique stores, thrift stores, etc without wasting her money. she keeps her house clean, floors swept AND mopped. her Dorm room is always neat and she keeps an extra supply of drinks and snacks to have on hand in case a fellow student or friend comes over for a heart to heart chat while she is studying for biology. always welcoming. never says "I wish I could let you in but the baby is sleeping and I'm afraid to wake her up." She is the epitome of hospitality. She is freaking exhausted but she'll never let you know it. Never asks for help.
2. Best wife/girlfriend EVER. If married, she's never argued with her husband, never thought about the D-word, always fixes his lunch in the morning, prays with him before he leaves for work, irons his clothes, washes his truck, plans on having sex at least once a day with her husband and she's never tired, never PMS'ing, never has a headache. If single, she prays for her boyfriend daily, always willing for him to spend time with his buddies and doesn't complain if they haven't had a date in 3 months (same goes for married woman). she keeps his house clean on top of keeping her house clean (or dorm room). she does his laundry when his mom is gone. ;-)
1. BEST INDIVIDUAL EVER. Has the body of a super model....curvy in all the right places but not too much, tall, but not too tall,... gorgeous hair 24/7, works out daily for an hour at the gym, (better yet: teaches at the gym), would never consider making herself throw up to lose weight, doesn't have cutting scars on her arms from pain she couldn't manage, she has daily devotions and doesn't fall asleep during them, maintains a peaceful demeanor and a quiet heart regardless of what storms rage around her, never raises her voice, never gets ruffled, happy, never swears when someone cuts her off in traffic, always has the perfect outfit for every season/occasion. She enjoys doing all the above 9 things without losing her temper, feeling taken advantage of, or wanting time off.

This woman is perfect. This woman is locked away somewhere in a mental ward because she had a break down trying to be everything to everybody. This woman is not human.